Mutant Mercenary
Role: Who knows? Just run in and die.
Alignment: Any.
Hit Die: 12
Starting Wealth: 5d6 x 10 gp (average 175 gp.) In addition, each character begins play with an outfit worth 10 gp or less.
Special: Levels in this class may be taken multiple times lmao
Class Skills
The Mutant Mercenary’s class skills are Climb (Str), Craft (Int), Handle Animal (Cha), Intimidate (Cha), Knowledge (dungeoneering) (Int), Knowledge (engineering) (Int), Profession (Wis), Ride (Dex), Survival (Wis), and Swim (Str).
Skill Ranks Per Level: 2 + Int modifier.
| Level | Base Attack Bonus | Fort Save | Ref Save | Will Save | Special |
| 1st | +1 | +1 | +1 | +1 | Regeneration, Hammerspace, One of a Kind, The Main Character |
Class Features
All of the following are class features of the Mutant Mercenary
Regeneration (Chi)
The ol’ bread and butter. Can’t die, like… ever, but you can still feel pain. Ain’t that a raw deal? You can make up pretty much whatever for how you got it, but government test tube babies are a good staple.
This ability grants the following benefits;
Instead of Hit Dice, this class grants 12 Hit points plus the Mutant Mercenary’s Constitution Modifier.
Additionally, the Mutant Mercenary gains Regeneration equal to their Maximum Hit Points.
Furthermore, the Mutant Mercenary is immune to Death Effects and Ability Damage, Drain, and Penalties.
Lastly, all status effects that afflict the Mutant Mercenary have a duration of 1 round.
You could make a case for this being more of a curse than a blessing. The ability to never be able to escape suffering doesn’t seem like much of a “power” to me. I guess you can just ignore that if it doesn’t fit with your fantasy.
Hammerspace (Mi)
If I had to actually keep track of my inventory, it would prevent me from doing my amazing work of making dick jokes and ignoring the plot until it’s time to try to poke plot holes in the finale! Talk about railroading…
At 1st level this ability grants the following benefits;
The Mutant Mercenary gains access to an interdimensional space they may store items within.
This interdimensional space is alway accessible to the Mutant Mercenary and has a capacity of 500lbs and 100 cubic ft.
On levels other than the 1st this ability grants the following benefits;
The Hammerspace gains additional capacity of 500 lbs and 100 cubic ft per Hit Die the Mutant Mercenary possesses.
It’s likely that this is something they came up with at the very beginning to make things easier, and down the line people have decided to abuse that good will, and that gets us to where we are now.
One of a Kind (Chan)
Hey, we’ve all gotta be special, right? Maybe we don’t have magic or divine power or ninjutsu or a punching ghost… but hey we can have big numbers and sorta negate the whole core that makes all of this a game!
This ability grants the following benefits;
The Mutant Mercenary gains +1 to all of their Ability Scores, and +5ft to all of their Movement Speeds.
Random Result plus Modifier compared to Threshold. That’s the core of this whole thing, but if the numbers get high enough the standard variation from the dice becomes meaningless and you select to succeed on where you’ve invested the right points. Is that a bug or a feature, I wonder?
The Main Character (Ga)
I get there are other people at the table, but what they don’t understand is that this totally makes sense for my character arc and is what I would do in this scenario. Really it’s out of my control and the DM’s fault for putting us in this situation.
This ability grants the following benefits;
The Mutant Mercenary is aware of things they should not be. There is no division between the knowledge the Mutant Mercenary has…
a̷͖̙͕͊̾̿͆n̴̨̡̛̗̦̳̲͉̹̥͓͍̤̜̓̾̾̿̉̏̈͂͆̀̚͜͝d̵̤͖̘̤̭͙̀̀͐͌͋͂͐̽̀̎̒̑ ̵̨̝̫͙̟̞͇̩͎͌̀̑̈́͌̋̃t̷̡̳͎̫͇̩͒̍̀̈́̓̾̉͜h̴͕͉̣̠͕͚͔̬̦̲͖̗̰͖̽̈́͌e̶̯͉̻͂͆͑̒̑͂͂̃͂̽̊̕ ̶̳̣̖̱̓͛͋͗k̴̥̣̜͓͓͙͔̹͎̏̋̿̇͐̌͐͐̌̃̄̑̋̕ņ̵̫̤̜̥̻͍̜̦̖̬̭͔̫̊͂̌ó̶͚̻͍͓̺̹͚͍̖̣͖̣̮͑̓̽̀̚ͅw̵̧̫̰͈̦̿̓̈̃l̷̗̦̥̗̰̦̫̯̙͉̠͇̤̘̏̓̐̐͌͆̂̿̑̄̐̾͜͠͠͝ę̴̤͉̪͙̻̭̬͚̲̪̊͜ͅd̸̨̢̰̲̼͓̂̃̈̓͐̄͛͘ͅg̴̬̘̘̻̖̗̗̮͚̞̟͇̩̿̊̋̽̎̃̒e̸̩̗͑͒̍̓͆́̀͗̐̕ ̷̢̱̮̙͎̽̽́́̇̚͝y̴̡̡̛̞͔̫̞͚̥̠̤̥̓͌̐͌̿̂͜ͅo̸̡̧̫̠̖̟̗̮͇͇͔̒̂̈́͆̆̌̌́̕̚͠͝͠͝ǘ̴̢̦̙̈̚ ̴͚̬̺̝̙̦̦͕̜̥́͆̅̎̐̕̕͜͝ḧ̷̥̭͉͈̔̀͊̐͋a̸͕̪͓̙͈͌̑̓͂̎́͒͐̕̕͠v̴̜̹͗́̾̇́̒̀̓́̑̚͝ę̷̗̩̘͛̾͂̉̉͑̃̃̋̊̅͝.
A lot of this doesn’t need to be an ability, we’re just giving free license to fall back into all of the bad habits that they try to talk you out of. Best of luck getting this greenlit for use at the table, you’re gonna need it.
And I just gotta say, NO MULTICLASSING!
Seriously, why don’t you just pick a concept and stick to it? Life so empty that you have to try to “win” a game where we’re all supposed to cooperate and beat up imaginary monsters?
It could be said that a person could have a concept specific enough that can’t be covered by one class in particular.
Yeah but we all know that’s not why this is a problem, right? We don’t need to tell those people not to be assholes.
Yeah, you know who you are.